How in this fast-paced world do we find the time to grieve?

I’m finding it challenging to say the least, to “fit” grief into a hectic, busy life. It’s bubbling away in the background of course, but where is the space, the expectation, the welcoming in of active grieving?

Death and dying and messy, loud, uncomfortable grief is shunned in most areas of society. Most folk don’t want to see it, let alone face their own fears of it all. Not so long ago we would have been weeping, wailing, keening as a community when we lost one of our tribe. The grief would be shared, witnessed, held. There would have been accommodation of the needs of the bereaved. Soft blankets, tender hugs, probably soup. Grief should never be an isolating experience.

Nowadays we are expected by the machine to get back to “normal” after only a few days or weeks at most. Work demands we keep our place on the treadmill, return to productivity even in the most raw period of loss. A few kind words, then back to the grind. I have in one of my jobs, up to 5 days of compassionate leave- two used while I sat in vigil, one for mum’s funeral….leaving so little time. And as for my self employed work, that has none of course. Bills need paying, so there is little choice but to put this vast loss onto a shelf, to squirrel it away till we have the time…but when can that be? Aren’t we just pretending it’s not there? Trying to deny the knowing that we need to stop, to stop and sink deep, deep into it, for however long it needs?

What are we doing to ourselves when we are not able to prioritise soul work, not able to give ourselves the time we know we need?

We can’t get back to this mythical “normal” in days or weeks or months. Grief takes time, lots and lots of time. It takes work, lots and lots of work, not to get beyond it, but instead to reshape our lives to grow around it. To build a new normal, because that old normal can never be again. We lose those dear to us and life will never be the same as it was before the loss. It can’t be.

I don’t know how we return, in this driven, capitalist world, to community that gives grief its place. That honours it, that embraces it, that understands the great lessons that grief holds. But in a time when the world as we know it and society as we know it are crumbling before our very eyes, we need to find a way, and fast.